Classic Party Tricks

This might have to be a whole reoccurring section, cause party tricks are a craft. One must be careful to not be too douchey, as the French say. Then again, if you think opening a bottle with a lighter is a party trick, vous êtes en train de tout gâcher (As the douches say). Either way, I don’t claim to be a polyglot, but what I do know is that these are some 100% guaranteed party tricks to lighten up any soiree. 

1. Shove an entire football up your vagina

Okay, this one is kinda sexist. Some people don’t have the luxury of having a vagina. I get it. But content doesn’t write itself, and I saw this actually happen once in a dream I had and it definitely lit up the party. There aren’t many tips here, but I’m sure you’ve got in the vag. Whoops, I mean bag. Note: Best to bring/use your own football for this one. As crowd-rousing as it is, one must always follow proper etiquette and keep it classy.

2. Breathing fire

Okay, so maybe you don’t have a vagina, but you probably have a mouth. The cool thing about breathing fire is, well, that you’re breathing fire. It’s never not cool. You just have to make sure you don’t catch someone else on fire. Not bad right? All you need is something on fire and some sort of fuel. Just make sure whatever your fuel is, you don’t inhale or swallow it. Note: You probably don’t want to do this one in a crowded bar. Although it seems like a good idea when you’re ten whiskeys deep, the owner will get involved and you’ll probably freak out a guy who’s bigger than you and wake up with a broken jaw. Have fun with it though!

3. Make a human table

I’m not even sure if this is a party trick. It’s more of a “you and your friends are really bored” type activity. Nevertheless, I’m sure it can become a party trick if you let somebody do something involving this human table. Note: This is not a sex trick. Don’t think you’re gonna fall on the ground laughing with the love of your life who you convinced to do this with you. Your friend will also be on the ground right next to you laughing, and your friend is always prettier and better at romance than you. So take caution.

4. Any trio of beer, liquor, and marijuana

I think I’m confused as to the definition of a party trick. Is this a party trick? Or just something that happens at parties? Well, no matter; the consumption of any of these three in a row will definitely impress that cute girl or guy (or other) that’s been flirting with you all night. It also makes for endless possibilities switching these three around. (Example: Chug a beer, Take a hit, Take a shot without exhaling, exhale, shotgun a beer, etc.) Note: This one works especially well if you don’t normally consume alcohol/marijuana. Your hammered friend Billy will exclaim “Whaaaaat! I didn’t know you could rage like that bro!”. 

5. Make puppies appear out of thin air

If you figure this one out, let us know. Please.

6. Throw Up

This one withers with age, but it’s a classic regardless. As equally a party bummer as it is a party trick, it is a surefire way to disgust a handful of people, or at the very least make some of them utter the classic “I’ve been there before!”.

To be Continued..

Send your own party trick ideas to subradmag@gmail.com

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